Why Am I Even Here?

For some reason only known to God, I am living in Bourbonnais, IL to go to college at Olivet Nazarene University. Ever since August I have been here... just... here. Words can't describe how I feel about being away from home. (But since this is a blog I am gonna give it a whirl...)

Now I am just remembering the comfort of my mom's bed, having my own room, staying up all night and no one thinking I am weird because it is my normal routine, watching The Nanny with my mom and my little sister, working at Joe's Pizza with my friends, and my family. Oh how I miss my family. It is funny how the present situation you are in always has a downside. Honestly, back when I had all of the above, I probably wasn't totally comfortable and content. But now that I am here away from everything, I see now that it was just sweet bliss.

Olivet is not bad. I have made some fun friends here, a great boyfriend, and learned more about God and The Bible in just 6 months than I ever have in my life. I have truly questioned God and been shown that He really is real. I've seen the contradictions within The Bible and decided that God was more important than source confusion. However, growing more as a person did require me to take that exciting, difficult, and now uncomfortable leap out of my bubble of Hutsonville and those around.

After a long fight with my roommate about dorm etiquette, I find myself sitting alone on the couch in our study room. Some unpleasantness definitely occurred when we were, um, debating on how things should go in the room. Essentially I left the room after my major character flaws were revealed to me. I figured she didn't want to go on ;) Now that it is all over, I find myself wondering...... Why Am I Even Here? I would pray, asking God, "Why, why, why?!" But I feel like I kind of know what His words would be. A couple of Bible verses stick out to me while dealing with my current roommate/college/I just want to go back home dilemma:

Proverbs 10:19
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

In other words... I need to stop using so many words.

Proverbs 13:10
Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

Maybe I am not as horrible as my roommate told me I was, and maybe she isn't as bad as a roommate as I am thinking. That doesn't stop us from losing our head in the heated arguments... All I can think of to do right now is trust that God has me where He wants me. However, if it is what He wants, I am completely open to leaving. Right now.

I pray that I can be more honoring, accepting, patient, calm, pleasant, cooperative, and obedient. I pray that I can be less prideful, angry, nagging, grudge-holding, and flat out hateful in this situation.