living is a hard thing to do, but if you set your mind to it, you can escape it just enough to where you will be okay. you know it is all a joke, but you go along with it anyway for the benefit of others who don't see that. you can be distant without being absent. employ yourself in helping others to believe in what you have already let go of. no matter what is making you talk right now - alcohol, drugs, life - you are aware of it. you are exposed as you should be. you should be. be as enlightened as possible and no one could ever say a word.

She met his stare, and feeling completely bare she held her breath.
He gazed inside, and feeling her despair he wondered what was left.
The woman in his eyes was lost somewhere inside of a sodden, tear-soaked mess.

“Where is she?”
From her came an enormous exhalation.
But with that, she somehow managed to answer his every inquisition.
Somewhere along the way, the girl strayed far into a hazardous state.
Her very limbs were torn from her foundation, and holding on to nothing that kept her safe, she gave away and gave away… allowing herself to break.

Another bit crumbled to the ground after each blow.
She was weak to the very core.
But the reason she fell apart?
To be fashioned into a beautiful mosaic.

Every broken piece amidst her crises, every piece was plucked from the earth, polished, and positioned into a greater work of art.
Not once did she expect that her faults would bring about something so beautiful.
Not once could she even fathom that her darkest battles would someday be the brightest, most eye-catching portions of her beautiful life puzzle.

Strange how the pieces, though individually jagged and unappealing, have somehow joined into breathtaking splendor.

As she stared out onto the horizon, she was suddenly overwhelmed with sentiment. Her auburn hair rested delicately on her thin, bony shoulders. The sun reflected brightly off of her fair, fragile skin. On the surface she appeared prim and posed, her red hair tied back with a strikingly feminine porcelain bow.

When the corners of her wine red lips began to stretch, revealing her warm smile, something changed. She no longer existed as a speck of dust, but rather as an energy that spread through an entire medium. Hers was great and glorious before, but suddenly she was drawn to share more, that she might benefit those of whom she was now surrounding.

Employ yourself in the duties of seeking and sharing delight and affection.

Let me take you back. About four years ago. I met a sulky, sexy musician with dark eyes and strong hands. Inspiration struck my mildly sweet self when he first laid them both on me. My life was different then, it was darker from the moment I met him. But, like anyone who has been smothering the artist inside for years and years, the darkness was not a bad thing. For once, I was questioning, I was wondering, and my perception of society was dwindling. I cared not what people thought, not when his magnificent body was two inches from mine as we sat on the discordant bridge, our legs swinging above the water.

“Who is your biggest inspiration in life?”

As if I could tell him. This partial stranger. We had only known each other a week, yet I was completely infatuated with becoming all that he was.

“Hmm… I don’t know. How about Ghandi? He did some pretty inspirational things, right?”

His only response was a sigh. His dark eyes met mine and in that exact moment the sun’s rays caught, illuminating someone inside I was almost afraid to know.

Finally, I relent.

“Okay, I will tell you, but it is going to freak you out.”

“No, it won’t.”

The words fell from his lips and into my sweaty hands. It seemed true enough. More than that, it seemed safe. So I told him. I handed them over, and by some act of God, he folded them into his own perfect hands and there they were protected for quite some time.

.....dots. lots of dots.

I had a long day, you never left my mind
I’m not quite okay, there is a balance I need to find
& the thing that’s really getting me, what took me so long to see
There’s never going to be another we

Oh June,
Can’t I have you back?
Oh June,
Why did you pack your bags?
& the last thing that he wrapped up in his arms before he left
Was my one and only heart, he clutched it tightly to his chest
Oh June,
Get me through another year

I watch the sunrise each morning from under my sheets
I miss your brown eyes, your grasshopper hands and teeth
& when I finally get a call from you
I can’t think of anything to say
Are you ever coming home? I can’t move on, there is no way

Oh June,
Your warm loving will never fade
Oh June,
No matter how long I have to wait
My boy, he’s gone, and may not return
But my mind is strong and the memories burn
Oh, June
Just get me through

I know it’s wrong and I can’t deny
As I sing this song, my hopes are high
Is he thinking of me too tonight?

Oh June,
What’s a girl to do?
When her head knows what’s right, but her heart puts up a fight

Oh June,
What did you do?

.......all along.

their laughter is picked up by the breeze
bursting upward and falling down onto me

these two are in love
sheltered by such care
his heart is her glove
they look so nice down there



all along i was so convinced
that you were heaven sent to be my prince
but i'm still waiting for my true love's kiss
you're just the boy i'm always going to miss



there they go again, so happy and content
they are best of friends, exchanging compliments


smiling so happy
their sunshine never ends
they make love look so easy
or is it just pretend

all along i was so naive
you'd tell me anything and i would believe
now i'm skeptical of many things
you've changed yourself... but first you've changed me


all along i was upside down
you drilled my heart right into the ground
and now you say you might come dig it out
i'm sorry love, but it might not be found

swim

it’s weird how it works
first a baby, at last a jerk
you eat, you sleep, you cry
you do enough to scrape on by
you love a lot
and then it dies
a sad and honest view
from a pair of green grey eyes

swim against the muck
swim harder still, you can’t get stuck
that muck you’re drowning in (swirls of sin, they suck you in)
i just watch the devil’s growing grin (kick and swim, kick and swim)
you can’t let that devil win

get me out of here
such pleading words
yet none revere
you’re deeper still
it’s so severe
but when that devil whispers in your ear

swim against the pain
swim, it’s flooding now, it’s pouring rain
the waters reach substantial gain
but Gods right there
he’ll make you sane

he pulls you out, he pumps your lungs

and spewing out from your sodden body

is a life's worth of anguish

all in one second vanquished