no one even reads these

so i am gonna type without proper sentence structure, punctuation, capitalization, grammar, and possibly sometimes even spelling.

so hey there, nobody! i am listening to john mayer right now, looking out my dorm window at the darkish parking lot. there are so, so many cars out there. i wonder the story behind all of them. like... how many of those cars have been in wrecks and then restructured to work again? how many are currently dead? keys locked in? out of gas? make loud, embarrassing noises when you open the door or start the engine? how many are brand new or super old? or how about this - in how many of those cars has there been the conception of a child? hahaha.. that one i am gonna leave unanswered.

not that i am planning on answering any of the other questions, but if i were to choose one to definitely not try to answer, it would be that last one there.

ANYWAYS! i am so cozy in this position. i was so content to look out there for a while and just think and kind of let my eyes go in and out of focus. its just been one of those days where i desire this total relaxation :)

tonight i will leave the none of you with a few artists to look into on youtube:

daniel roosevelt

john mayer

the rocket summer



i love all three.

p.s. i feel like i want to be in Hutsonville.. the sad truth is that i really don't want to be there. i just dont want to be here. i feel like i wasted most of my high school days resenting the people in my class whereas now i just want to go back and be friends with them and have the memories of ridiculousness they all did. i missed my chance. for anyone who might be reading this or in high school now, dont waste it! and if you did what i did, try to find a way to make it happen for you again (not going back to high school, but making wonderful memories with a lot of potentially great people)

......lOoKiE :D

I moved! Woot.

This is my new area that I am sitting at writing this right now. As you may have assumed. I am so happy!

Why Am I Even Here?

For some reason only known to God, I am living in Bourbonnais, IL to go to college at Olivet Nazarene University. Ever since August I have been here... just... here. Words can't describe how I feel about being away from home. (But since this is a blog I am gonna give it a whirl...)

Now I am just remembering the comfort of my mom's bed, having my own room, staying up all night and no one thinking I am weird because it is my normal routine, watching The Nanny with my mom and my little sister, working at Joe's Pizza with my friends, and my family. Oh how I miss my family. It is funny how the present situation you are in always has a downside. Honestly, back when I had all of the above, I probably wasn't totally comfortable and content. But now that I am here away from everything, I see now that it was just sweet bliss.

Olivet is not bad. I have made some fun friends here, a great boyfriend, and learned more about God and The Bible in just 6 months than I ever have in my life. I have truly questioned God and been shown that He really is real. I've seen the contradictions within The Bible and decided that God was more important than source confusion. However, growing more as a person did require me to take that exciting, difficult, and now uncomfortable leap out of my bubble of Hutsonville and those around.

After a long fight with my roommate about dorm etiquette, I find myself sitting alone on the couch in our study room. Some unpleasantness definitely occurred when we were, um, debating on how things should go in the room. Essentially I left the room after my major character flaws were revealed to me. I figured she didn't want to go on ;) Now that it is all over, I find myself wondering...... Why Am I Even Here? I would pray, asking God, "Why, why, why?!" But I feel like I kind of know what His words would be. A couple of Bible verses stick out to me while dealing with my current roommate/college/I just want to go back home dilemma:

Proverbs 10:19
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

In other words... I need to stop using so many words.

Proverbs 13:10
Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

Maybe I am not as horrible as my roommate told me I was, and maybe she isn't as bad as a roommate as I am thinking. That doesn't stop us from losing our head in the heated arguments... All I can think of to do right now is trust that God has me where He wants me. However, if it is what He wants, I am completely open to leaving. Right now.

I pray that I can be more honoring, accepting, patient, calm, pleasant, cooperative, and obedient. I pray that I can be less prideful, angry, nagging, grudge-holding, and flat out hateful in this situation.