I am not really happy, not in the usual sense of the word. Several things come to mind when I reason with myself about why I should be HAPPY. It is nearly impossible for me to have a reason not to be happy. I have everything I need and always have. However, as Ingrid so brilliantly puts it, "I am a gallery of broken hearts." My sad little blood pumper has been through H-E-double-hockey-sticks this year. It's time to move on, time to let go, time to raise my chin and stand on my own again.
Really though, tonight I am awake wondering where the days of wanting to change the world have gone. Seriously, where did they go? My mind used to be filled with inspiration, excitement, creativity, and a hope to influence people in a positive way. I hope to come back to myself somehow. Now that I am feeling so weak, I have the chance to regain my strength. It is time - I am ready to do this.
Here I go! I have put the loneliness on the shelf for now. My frown will be forced into a joyful grin and I will show the world the best I can.
Thank you Lord, for saving my soul
Thank you Lord, for making me whole
Thank you Lord, for giving to me
Thy great salvation, so rich and free
I feel the same way sometimes. I look at my blog posts from like a year ago when I was all on fire for everything I thought, and now I kind of just want to slide by doing my own thing, or at least I'm far less enthusiastic about it all. Hang in there though, you're not alone in this. Carp that diadem!
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